R.I.P. joemamajuice (1995-2009)

When I was a twelve year old boy in St. Paul, Minnesota, I signed up for America Online’s exciting new Instant Messanger service, AIM. Within minutes of downloading the AIM software and registering a screenname, I was chatting on the internet with all sorts of buddies on my buddy list. Buddies as far away as Chicago! Instantly! For free!

Choosing a screenname was one of the first very important decisions of my life. I was to pick one word, a single word, that would convey my style and personality to the rest of the world. After a few minutes of deep thought, the choice became obvious. I decided to go with the nickname I had recieved earlier that summer at Jewish sleep-away camp: “Joemamajuice.”

For fourteen years, through the good and bad, from modems to ethernets, I was Joemamajuice. Until early last week.

Last Thursday, I began having trouble logging into AIM. Each time I entered my password, there was an “unidentified error.” I attempted to reset my password a few times, but AOL kept telling me the new password had been sent to the “email account on file.” Oh, the email account I had when I was 12 years old? You mean “KirbyPuckett69@Juno.com” or whatever? Awesome. Thanks, AOL. That’s very helpful.

I tried posting a desperate cry for help on AOL’s message boards, but you can’t gain access into their website until you enter your screenname and password. I tried calling AOL’s toll free 800 number, but the very condescending robot wouldn’t let me talk to a human being until I gave him my password. (I fucking hate that robot, by the way. He was a huge dick to me.)

It seems as though there is nothing I can do but let it go. I have to deal with the fact that Joemamjuice is gone and I will never get him back. He’s in heaven now with my Friendster account.

Goodbye, Joemamajuice. You were a good friend.