I love A(h)&E(ek) television

A&E has always been one of my favorite cable channels. This might be because, more often than not, I’m in the mood to watch shows about celebrities, crime scenes, or celebrity crime scenes. For the last few years, however, A&E’s best program has no doubt been Intervention. Now obviously, following people around as they hit rock bottom, and seeing their families confront them about it, is super sad and depressing and probably shouldn’t be allowed on television for a number of ethical and legal reasons. But then sometimes an Endust girl comes along and you’re like, “MORE ENDUST GIRL, PLEASE!”

Earlier this summer, A&E introduced a new Intervention spin-off called Obsessed, which focuses on people suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder. And while I agree with you, that does sound amazing, the show itself has actually been a total snoozefest. I obsessively collect my yawns watching that show. So far, the only memorable episodes of Obsessed have been the ones focusing on hoarders, people who live in trash houses because they can’t throw anything away because trash reminds them of mom and you can’t expect someone to throw their mom away. “Ugh,” I’d think to myself. “Couldn’t A&E just make a show only about hoarders already?”

Yes, apparently they could.

Last night, A&E premiered its newest series, Hoarders, which is a show only about hoarders. And, holy shit, you guys. It didn’t disappoint. The woman hoarding rotten food all over her house? That might have been the grossest, most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen in my life. MORE HOARDERS, PLEASE!

Imagine me as a little boy and A&E as a fat man with mutton chops holding a sceptre:

And the children dancing are the hoarders? I don’t know.

All A&E needs to do now is make a more specific version of Intervention called Naked Meth Monsters (or Burl Hunters) and I should be all set.