Andy Rooney wants a sleep thermometer.

Andy Rooney was ON FIRE last night during his segment on 60 Minutes. (Here’s the Andy Rooney Game, if you’re interested). The topic was sleep, and apparently, Andy Rooney loves to sleep. Interesting fact: did you know we spend a third of our lives asleep? Well, Andy Rooney just found out. And he’s not happy about it! If only someone would invent a sleep thermometer…

“We should all have something like it [a sleep thermometer], that would let us know when we’ve had enough sleep.”

You know, something similar to waking up, only with more lights and bells.

Also, Andy Rooney has a ton of footage of himself sleeping at work, which is crazy. Not only is this wildly unprofessional, it’s also terrifying. Because he can’t not look dead every time.

Imagine being Andy Rooney’s secretary and walking in on this:

What a nightmare. It’s like walking into a crypt. That is seriously the scariest picture in the world. Just looking at it makes me want to call 911 on a rotary telephone.

Here’s Andy dead on a couch:

Dead on a bus:

And dead at a theater:

Yikes. Interesting fact: did you know Andy Rooney works on a news program? Is there such a thing as a retirement thermometer? Because this dude is BURNING UP.