Top ten New York Post covers of 2009

The deranged lunatic who comes up with all the front-page puns for the NY Post has, undoubtedly, the best job in the world. Sure, sometimes his headlines can be lazy or just “plane” bad. But more often than not, they are as brilliant as they are crazy. Therefore, after working so tirelessly all year long, I think it’s only right to stop and applaud this psychopath’s handiwork.

Here are the ten best NY Post covers 2009:

10. February 7, 2009: Sometimes a headline is simply handed to this guy on a silver platter. I mean, the woman’s got eight kids and she’s certifiably crazy. Thus…

9. March 22, 2009: This one is on the list because the pun is such a stretch. I guess there were these hot dogs that used to be kosher but now they’re not and a bunch of Jews got mad. And you know what else makes Jews mad? The baby Jesus; for claiming to be the son of god and for getting so much undeserved Frankincense.

8. February 9, 2009: The next two headlines might seem crass at first, but if you look at them closely you’ll see that they’re both referring to something else entirely. For example, this one might look like they’re calling Alex Rodriguez an asshole. But it’s actually an allusion to the metaphorical hole the baseball star was digging himself into by lying about steroids. (And that metaphorical hole happened to be located in or around his enormous, presumably bleached asshole.)

7. March 19, 2009: Here, again, it might look like the Post is using the word pussy (as in vagina pussy) on it’s front cover. Not the case. This pussy is in fact a cat, which was thrown during a domestic dispute. Or, perhaps the pussy is the guy who had a cat thrown at him? In either case, it’s most definitely not that Kenley girl’s pussy.

6. February 5, 2009. A list of Bernie Madoff’s victims was released to the public, showing that many of those swindled were fellow Jews. Wait a minute…a long list…of unsuspecting Jews…swindled…

5. September 4, 2009: Obviously, I had to revisit this cover. Gun-toting rabbis? Are you kidding me? Why isn’t this a movie already?

4. February 17, 2009. We all know that equating a terrifying face-eating monkey with an adorable monkey-related children’s cartoon is hilarious. But, to me, the funniest part about this whole thing is the subtle exclamation point at the end of “George!” So unnecessary.

3. December 12, 2009. First of all, no he didn’t. You’re a lion. (Get it?) You can’t just make something up just because it helps sell your weak jungle cat joke. Second, using photoshop to add missing teeth and bandages is a stroke of pure juvenile genius.

2. January 17, 2009: Yeah! Pluck those geese! That’s what they get for having a natural habitat near an airport and inadvertently causing an plane crash with literally zero human casualties! Let’s kill every last plucking one of them! Pluck those plucking plucks!

1. June 16, 2009: What’s the best way to sum up this summer’s unrest in Iran, where millions of brave protesters took to the streets to fight the results of a blatantly fraudulent election? Oh, I know! Something racist and insensitive!

Perfect!

(Honorable mention goes to February 2, 2009 for having the funniest front and back cover combination of the year.)