Talk about burying the (space)lede

So, apparently the US military shot a super-secret laser-rocket into space or something. Honestly, who cares? The only thing that interests me about this story is who the spokesperson for the US Military is on all matters space related. Because I had a poster of the dude on my wall for my entire childhood. From the Daily Mail UK:

A top secret space plane developed by the US military has blasted off from Cape Canaveral on its maiden voyage…But its mission - and its cost - remain shrouded in secrecy…

Speaking after the launch, Air Force deputy under-secretary for space systems Gary Payton, admitted it was impossible to hide a space launch - but was cagey about the what exactly the X-37B would do.

Uhm, no doy. Of course Gary Payton was being “cagey.” His trash-talking was legendary! Plus, why should he be expected to answer anyone’s questions at all? He’s the best defensive point guard of all time! Dude could shut Jordan down. Everyone needs to show some respect to under-secretary GP.

The only way this story could be better is if Shawn Kemp happens to be the deputy over-secretary of space whatevers.