Saturday, 19 April
“My Jewish lawyers have advised me to say that I do not support, nor would I ever actually fund, a cum assault on any sitting US Senator. These comments were said in jest and should not be taken seriously. Please do not fling anything, even cum, at Ted Cruz’s face. Thank u”
Thursday, 17 April
Wednesday, 16 April
Anonymous asked: Do birds fuck? Or does the male bird just jizz all over the eggs after the female has laid them?
Great question, anonymous. I wish I had an answer for you. I feel like your best move is to ask that question to the people at http://birdfuck.tumblr.com/, which is a real website somehow
Saturday, 12 April
Anonymous asked: Your Nick Cannon memes are NOT funny. They're stereotypical and distasteful.
Yeah, I know. They’re direct quotes from his stand up, idiot.
Friday, 11 April
Thursday, 10 April
Wednesday, 9 April
Anonymous asked: Your face looks like you just dragged in dog shit from the bottom of your shoes all over someone's white carpet at a house party. I don't know your comedy, but you look terrible. Can you please never do another interview that ends up on my Facebook feed?
Tuesday, 8 April
Anonymous asked: Yo, what's your favorite movie?
Probably Broadcast News. Though maybe it’s The Fugitive. Sometimes it’s Michael Clayton. But definitely Hitch.