Matt Drudge sits at his desk, leering over his laptop. He’s on eBay furiously searching for new and exotic fedoras. Suddenly, there’s a frantic knocking at the door.

DRUDGE
Who is it?

MATTHEW (O.S.)
It’s Matthew, sir.

DRUDGE
Come in, Matthew.

Matthew, Drudge’s naive new assistant, enters. He’s sweaty and out of breath.

DRUDGE
What is it, Matthew? I’m busy

MATTHEW

Big news, Mr. Drudge. Time Magazine just named
President-elect Obama as man of the year.
Should we put that story on the front page?

DRUDGE
Yes. I suppose we should.

MATTHEW
Okay. And what picture do you want to use for
the story? I’m thinking, maybe one of Obama
speaking at Grant Park on election night.

DRUDGE
No.

MATTHEW
How about a picture of him speaking
at the Democratic convention?

DRUDGE
No.

MATTHEW
What about something from the Iowa Caucus?
Or when he made that speech in Berlin? Or…I suppose
we can just put up a jpeg of that stripy ‘O’ logo.

DRUDGE
No. No. NO!

Drudge gets up from his desk. He turns around and takes a large framed painting of Ronald Reagan as Mona Lisa off the wall, revealing a large combination safe. Drudge opens the safe and removes a small black envelope marked with a bright red pentagram. Turning his back to Matthew, Drudge begins to faintly mutter a strange chant. The envelope bursts into flame and a noxious cloud of green smoke fills the room. As the smoke fades, Drudge is seen shaking a small black and white photo, grinning.

DRUDGE
Here. Use this one.

He hands the picture to a frightened Matthew.

MATTHEW
Yes, sir…thank you, sir.

DRUDGE
Oh, and Matthew?

MATTHEW
Yes, sir?

DRUDGE
Can you please make sure the headline
is childishly sarcastic?

MATTHEW
Of course, Mr. Drudge. No problem.

DRUDGE
You may go.